I can’t help but roll my eyes when I read self-help guides. Identify my talents? Take pride in my good qualities? Look into the mirror and smile? You’ve got to be fucking kidding. They swear by concepts such as “embracing a positive attitude” or “faking it til you make it.” I’ve read all of the tips and I’ve scoffed, doubted and, ultimately, rejected each one of them. But after finally voicing my twenty-year internal struggle with self hatred, I think it’s time to do something about it. I want this to be the last time I search “how to build self-esteem” in the Google search engine. I want to put in the work, find happiness, and realize that I, too, deserve it. I want to find the person hiding behind all of that black smoke.
The Basis
I’ve borrowed a few tips and tricks from various self-help guides and restructured them to work for me. My main goal is to change my thinking from negative to positive; to dilute and dispel all of the toxicity. To begin, I will evaluate where I stand today, at the dawn of my journey to self-acceptance and love. I’ll revisit these three questions at a later date (TBD) to see how or if they’ve changed.
1. Write about your strengths, good traits, achievements, and successes.
2. Make a list of your immediate, short-term, and long-term goals.
3. Rate your level of overall happiness on a scale of 1 to 10.
The Work
Each week for a month I will practice these four steps:
1. Name three achievements from this week (personal, professional, emotional, etc.)
2. Write yourself two compliments, carry them with you and read as often as possible
3. Document one new strength you’ve discovered about yourself
4. Write down ten positive affirmations and speak them out loud in front of a mirror (do daily if possible)
And So It Begins
Alison Scarpulla
1. Write about your strengths, good traits, achievements, and successes.
I am organized, driven, detail-oriented, logical, empathetic, understanding. I’ve moved across the country to a new city, landed a job immediately, was promoted in less than a year, and I’m currently succeeding in the role. I am finally moving into a new apartment. I have good credit (thank you, staggering student loans).
2. Make a list of your immediate, short-term, and long-term goals.
Complete this entry before the fear of actually following through with this overwhelms me, find a career I’m passionate about (even just a little bit), finish my degree, travel the world, run a half marathon, restore my body to normal health and functionality, find myself again.
3. Rate your level of overall happiness on a scale of 1 to 10.
One. Don’t even need to think about it.
1. Name three achievements from this week (personal, professional, emotional, etc.)
Completed a stressful task at work (setting up with a new payroll company) and saw the results of my effort.
Went for a 4 mile run even though I didn’t want to.
Attended a social gathering for my roommate’s birthday and actually enjoyed myself and the company.
2. Write yourself two compliments, carry them with you and read as often as possible
I have good style.
I am a hard worker.
3. Document one new strength you’ve discovered about yourself
I am open-minded. Despite believing so strongly in all of my self-deprecating thoughts, somewhere deep in my psyche there is hope that I can change these thoughts. I honestly never thought I’d be willing to try something like this.
4. Write down ten positive affirmations and speak them out loud in front of a mirror (do daily if possible)
I forgive myself for all the mistakes I have made.
I am beautiful and smart and that’s how everyone sees me.
I do not settle for meaningless, boring, and frustrating work.
My thoughts are my reality so I think up a bright new day.
I am in complete charge of planning for my future.
I compare myself only to my highest self.
I am more than good enough and I get better every day.
I embrace the rhythm and the flowing of my own heart.
I am too big a gift to this world to feel self-pity.
I am worthy.
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